Welcome to Words that Shine
Wow what a week it has been, full of life’s diversities. This week I was forced to look at some of the paradigms I hold close.
Paradigm now that is big – many people don’t even know what a paradigm is let alone make a paradigm shift and do it consciously – firstly lets look at the meaning of paradigm, sourced from the online Etymology dictionary:
paradigm (n.) late 15c. from Late Latin paradigma “pattern, example,” especially in grammar, from Greek paradeigma “pattern, model; precedent, example,” from paradeiknynai “exhibit, represent,” literally “show side by side,” from para- “beside” (see para- (1)) + deiknynai “to show” (cognate with Latin dicere “to show;” see diction). Related: Paradigmatic; paradigmatical..
Relating paradigms to our lives – they are basically thoughts or behaviour patterns that occur whenever we are presented with similar scenarios. These patterns may or may not serve us and the situation well.
I had a paradigm shift this week and it was a big one about the understanding of communication between friends. I have often assumed that a bit like going for a walk together that both parties are walking in the same direction of similar pace and on the same wave length, so to speak. However many times friends or partners perceive things not the way you expect them to. Why? Now that is an interesting question. There are two main reasons. 1. You portray your point of view based on your past experiences. 2. They perceive from their point of view based on their past experiences. Also the reverse holds true. Sometimes there can be a giant chasm between the two points of view. It is not necessarily about being right or wrong, in fact both may have the same goal but different approaches. Good communication bridging the gap adds strength and understanding to the relationship.
This quote from Albert Camus “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend” -This says so much but what does it involve, equal expectations, trust, openness and understanding of each other. Non judgemental communication that is non demanding and not projecting of self but is all giving with respect reflected in kind. This is a very rare feat to achieve but I believe that it is do able.
I have spent my whole life assisting (both work wise and social life) which ironically involves leading, following and working side by side. I do not try to control others (only my personal self) I have no jurisdiction on anyone else. Rather than saying things as a fait accompli I like to use open ended questions.This leads to discussions opening up the communication doors as equals to make joint and mutual decisions. I know these are my own expectations and unfortunately not necessarily the expectations or willingness of about 80% of the population but one can only hope. I suppose this is my paradigm – a big ask. But then again who am I to expect this from others, isn’t this in itself pushing my philosophy onto others. Working this way I actually gain an amazing amount of support which is really a bi-product for me as I am more interested in respect and harmony. Creating and bridging a paradigm shift on communication can be both challenging and rewarding and the results speak for themselves.
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I encourage you to consider your paradigms of communication. If you find a shift is appropriate then what sort of bridging is going to achieve the desired results. I love crossing bridges because there is always something new and exciting on the other side and if you don’t like it you can always go back. But then again is that a forward or backward progression. I will let you ponder that one.
Living life with passion
(C) Jenny Horn JLH 2013 all rights reserved